Images by: Sam LeVan, Lynne Lancaster

Last week I was sitting in the “pews” during our Sunday spiritual service and noticed a brass placard affixed to the seat in front of me. The seats to the right and left of the one in front of me also had brass placards, both of which were engraved with the names of so-and-so who evidently donated some money and received a undelible record of that fact. The one in front of me was different, however, and seemed to carry a message that was targeted specifically towards Me and the Monkey, and it read:

“Do what love is asking of you in this moment.”

Reflecting upon this message, I found it to be an excellent starting point for the process of quieting our Monkey so as to overcome everyday defensiveness and live a better life.

For those of us who suffer from the disease of the Monkey Mind called defensiveness, we often live life on the edge of a slippery slope, gaining control and serenity of the whims of the ego for patches of time, only to be thrown off the path of higher consciousness when we least expect it. Once off the path, gaining control once again can be Herculean task, like tires spinning in snow, losing traction, losing momentum and burning a lot of energy with little result, all the while slipping down the slope, in the exact opposite direction of where we want to go.

We become aware of a bout of defensiveness and then become defensive over that very revelation, spinning into a cycle of self-loathing and seething temperment that alienates others and only makes our predicament worse. How to stop the spinning wheels? How to slam a “monkey wrench” into the Monkey Mind and at least stop the bleeding before we self-destruct and/or cause ruin to our family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and strangers alike?

The first sub-task to master in the overall campaign to overcome defensiveness is the art of awareness. It is virtually impossible to overcome defensiveness or any other malady of the mind without first becoming aware of its presence. The trick here of course is to recognize the swelling emotions of defensiveness before they spill out in the form of angry reactions towards those we love or our colleagues. How do we do this when we are in the throws of defensiveness? In other words, how do we increase our present moment awareness, especially when we are in the midst of triggering events?

The most effective way to increase present moment awareness is by dedicating time during each day, away from the world, ideally in quiet solitude, to focus on awareness. In this way, we are building up “reserves” of awareness that we may draw upon in times of need. By growing a reservoir of awareness in times of quiet or serenity, we may turn to these reserves when we are mentally, physically, and spiritually taxed during our everyday lives. Many of us do this in the form of daily meditation. There are many ways to meditate, but simple breathing and silence is a good place to start, if only for a minute or so the first thing in the morning before we do any of our daily tasks and routines. You will be amazed how much simply meditating on a regular basis will impact your ability to overcome everyday defensiveness, even if that’s the only thing you ever do to improve this area of your life.

But this post isn’t about simply meditating, or about doing just one thing, which is why we’ll move onto to the next task, which refers back to quotation above about love. But the Monkey and I wanted to focus on meditation for a moment, because it is so essential to gain awareness before we can unlock the riches of this action, because without awareness we will be unable to even recognize our opportunity to love that moments of challenge are calling upon us to do.

A recurring theme in the lives of us dedicated to personal growth is that of the “call to action.” For those of us of on the path of growth, all situations and events are neither positive or negative. Instead, each event we encounter in our lives is a call to action, a summoning by the divine or the universe or the universal consciousness or fate (whatever verbiage suits your personal belief system) to raise our consciousness to the next level.

Viewed in this light, calamity and hardship are no longer treacherous, scary, or tedious encounters, but are instead divine opportunities for growth. But how do we know what the message is? How do we know how to react when we are challenged or triggered by a situation or an encounter with a stranger or a loved one? This is why going back to the message at the beginning of this post is so powerful, that in order to divine the reasoning behind our challenges and find the strength and direction to respond, we must: “Do what love is asking of us in this moment.”

This is where we learn that life is not about vindication or being right or pointing out the faults of others. The essence of healthy living is to break down each moment and simply do what love is asking of us. Your spouse on your back about being late home from work? Love asking you to hear their concern, and possibly redefine your relationship to work. A stranger driving erratically? Love asking you to slow down, back away. A customer complaining or treating you with disrespect? Love asking you to bless them and find a new way to serve them. A loved one behaving in a way that seems devoid of love? An opportunity for you to find something new and different to love in them.

This exercise is by no means easy, but know this: those of us who are the most challenged by defensiveness are the most blessed with opportunities to grow and expand our love. In other words, those of us who face the challenges of defensiveness on a daily basis perhaps have the most to offer the world, so long as we dedicate our lives to simple principle of doing what love is asking of us in this moment.