One of the biggest challenges in living an abundant life concerns overcoming the debilitating tentacles of fear. For many of us – me and the Monkey included – fear is paralyzing and creates feelings of hopelessness. The crazy thing to remember about fear is that is a daily obstacle to overcome. In other words, it never really goes away for good. I nearly titled this post, “Living Fearlessly,” but I don’t believe there is such a thing as “fearlessness.” Once we overcome one fear, another one will rise up. Even if we live lives of relative comfort, fear will raise its ugly head and manifest literally any form or shape, whether tangible or abstract, to sway us from our path and intended goals. The ability to overcome fear on a daily basis is perhaps the most significant trait separating those of us who are accomplishing our intentions from those of us who are continually coming up short and living lives that are tolerable at best.

Perhaps it doesn’t need to be said that fear is most definitely not always physical. As a former Army paratrooper, I used to feel that fear was mainly a physical thing, namely that sick feeling in my stomach whenever I approached the open door of an aircraft and prepared to jump out, once again putting my trust into a nearly infiinite range of external factors, including my equipment, the skill of the pilots and the other jumpmasters, and the variety of overlapping safety mechanisms put into place as a matter of routine. Even considering every safety precaution, paratrooping is still an inherent dangerous activity, with a degree of luck involved. I don’t think I ever participated in a Airborne operation without at least one soldier being injured in one way or another. I myself was injured somewhat seriously on more than one occasion, twice dislocating my shoulder. But the 66 other times I landed unscathed, attributable to the safety precautions working, combined with enjoying the fruits of “luck.” I believe that we make our own luck, through preparation, mindfulness, and a healthy level of precaution. Even crossing the street can be a dangerous affair, but we do it everyday in a safe manner, with those safety precautions a result of habit, repetition, and the simple yet often beguiling practice of being present to our surroundings.

After leaving the military, I found that many of the more mundane forms of fear can be just as, if not more, powerful than the physical ones I described above. I used to think that courage involved ovecoming clear and present dangers. Now I understand that true courage arises when we accept our personal truth and then stand up for our truth when we are called to do so.

For me, the act of writing this article is a form of overcoming fear. Never fail, as soon as I sit down to write, my Monkey begins to gnaw at my brain, asking “What do you know, anyway? Who do you think you are, offering advice? Shouldn’t you be a little more successful before you start dishing out words of wisdom?” It would be easy to heed his chidings, curl up, and write about an easier topic, or better yet, not write at all. After all, there are plenty of other useful things to be doing like aimlessly surfing the internet, zoning out in front of the tv, or organize the kitchen junk drawer. But using the method I’m about to describe below, I realized that putting these thoughts into writing so that I may help others is my current calling, and that if I’m going to live a life of any value, the choice for me is clear: the thing I am most of afraid of doing is usually the thing I most need to do. So without further ado, I present the ABC’s of Overcoming Fear…

A: Accept Your Fear

For many of us, especially those of us who aren’t firefighters faced with a burning building, school teachers in tough neighborhoods, or soldiers on patrol, it is difficult to even precisely put a finger on what exactly scares us. Very often, we experience a nagging feeling of discontent or a low-level anxiety that we simply accept as a way of life. The first step in overcoming our fear is identifying what exactly scares us and then learning to accept that fear.

It helps to take a long look in the mirror on a regular basis. I actualy mean that literally. And I’m not talking about checking out our outfit, fixing our hair, or taking a peek at how our backside looks in a pair of jeans. I’m talking about soul work here and a powerful exercise in finding out what makes ourselves tick is taking a long, deep, look in the mirror, gazing into our own eyes, which many call the windows to our soul.

I remember several years ago when I was producing reality tv, that we were on a shoot with a young girl that was trying to compete in a major athletic event in order to grow her feelings of self-worth. The show I was working on brought on several trainers and coaches and one coach in particular attempted a rather radical exercise. As this teenage girl was dealing with the physical challenges of preparing to compete in the athletic event, many other issues began to pop up in her life involving her love and family relationships, and dealing with a few child hood issues. So this coach, sensing some emotional turmoil, had her stand in the bathroom and look at herself in a mirror. At first the girl thought it was stupid, protesting the idea. Then it was funny. Then, as seconds turned into minutes, and she spent about 15 minutes gazing into her own eyes, she began to well up with tears. I was in the tiny room with the coach, the girl, and another camera operator, and all of us got caught up in the emotions of the moment. I can’t say I know exactly what was going through her mind, but what it looked like and what it felt like was that this girl hadn’t taken a personal inventory in a long time. She had been out in the world of high school, reacting to others, trying to impress the boys and others, while carving out an “identity” from the expectations of the world, without fulling knowing who she was. Immediately afterward, she displayed incredible courage in not only confronting a boy who had hurt her emotionally, but also competing in an event against trained athletes that she knew she had no chance of winning, but had to do because she had made a vow to herself.

After seeing this exercise in action I have tried to do it myself from time to time, especially when things in the external world appear bleak. Looking at ourselves, truly seeing ourselves for who we are, and then accepting and loving ourselves are absolutely essential to the art of living and overcoming our daily fears.

Sometimes what we fear is obvious. But often, we must do some soul work before we can catch a glimpse of what is making us afraid, and thereby holding us back from accomplishing our intentions in life. But merely seeing our fear is not enough to move onto the next step in overcoming our fear. We have not only see our fear, but also accept our fear. This doesn’t mean liking our fear, tolerating our fear, or even being okay with the fear. It just means acknowledging that this fear is the current cause of our suffering. There are many things that we have to accept in life because we simply have no power over it. Examples would be a loved one who is behaving in an unhealthy way, or perhaps a fact or an aspect of our history that we have to comes to terms with: like the divorce of our parents or the death of a loved one. Denying facts may make the pain go away for a short period of time, but denial is a coping mechanism that ultimately doesn’t help us overcome our obstacles.

In order to overcome something, we have to first accept it. An Olympic hurdler doesn’t achieve gold by ignoring the hurdles and running through or around them. The hurdler accepts that they exist, respects their height and firmness, and trains to overcome these obstacles without lingering on the fear of hitting one, disqualifying, or losing the race. Likewise, we must accept our fears so we can train our bodies to leap over them.

There have been several times in my post-military life when I have encountered fears that on paper, pale in comparison to risking your life on an Airborne operation. Things like going in for a job interview, asking for more money, confronting a loved one on an important issue, presenting your art to the world. I know that sometimes I would be embarassed that I even had these fears, my Monkey telling me that I was a fool to be afraid of simply asking for what I want: “Here you are, an Airborne Ranger and you’re afraid of x?” Berating ourselves and beating ourselves up for being human is a self-destructive idea that on rare occassions may motivate us to uncomfortable things, but often result in making us feel disempowered, weak, or “wanting,” which the Universe rarely rewards. To best overcome our fears we must come from an empowered place and empowerment begins with acceptance.

B: Bless Your Fear

Now that we have learned to accept our fears, we are ready to move onto the next step in overcoming them, and that is blessing them. I use this term not to create any religious connotations, but instead to highlight the sacred soul work that comes about when we begin to overcome our fears. We bless our fears because they have emerged in our lives to tell us something, to make us better. And anything that serves to make us better human beings deserves our blessing.

Another way to think about this step is to consider fears as our barometer for living (and that’s another “B” if you prefer to remember this step that way). What I mean by this is that our fears serve as an indicator of work we need to do, and ultimately action we need to take. The degree to which we experience pain, anxiety, or suffering associated with a particular fear indicates the importance overcoming this fear is to living a more fulfilling life. In other words, our fears serve to point us in the proper direction if they are viewed in a healthy manner. Therefore, by recognizing this, our fears deserve a blessing for laying out a map to success and happiness. Much like how the Native Americans would bless the kill from their hunt for the sustenance and life it provided, we must bless our fears for creating the circumstances for change in our lives. This way, our fears are not our adversaries, but instead, our partners in growth. Once we have accomplished this seismic shift in consciousness away from struggle into embracing our obstacles, we will be ready to move onto the next step in this process.

C: Confirm Your Call to Action

Sometime ago I experienced the fear of economic insecurity. I had changed careers upon the birth of my first child and had accepted a lower paying, but more secure position in a field unrelated to my then current career – television production. I also moved to a different state so we could be closer to my wife’s family, which left me feeling like a fish out of water. For several weeks, I experienced utter agony looking at my income versus my bills and obligations. Not only was I scared about being able to pay for everything, but I was also filled with fear and anxiety surrounding the career decision I had made. Did I make the right choice? Was I doing what I “should be” doing? Was I living up to my own expectations?

I have to admit that I wallowed in fear for an extended period of time. I played the victim. I lashed out at others. I was a miserable wretch. One day I decided to make a change. At first I looked at myself and determined what exactly was scaring me. Was it some insidious external force, or was it fear, emanating from my Monkey mind? I realized that #1, I was afraid of not being able to pay the mortgage on the home I just bought. #2, I was afraid that I was “underperforming” in life. The first was relatively simple. I would have to gather the courage to either ask for more money or look elsewhere for work. Both of these courses of actions would require deep soul work in which I stood up for my own self worth. The second fear was a manifestation of the mind. Who is judging me besides my self, (my Monkey)? By doing the soul work that forced me to stand up for my self worth, the second fear evaporated as these realizations alone constituted “performing” at a level that matched up with my desires in life.

Blessing my fear for bringing me to a point of a making a crucial decision forced me to recognize that all of this, all of this anxiety and self-pity and wallowing in despair was simply a call to action masquerading as something negative or undesirable. Seeing our fears as simply a call to action is the first stage in the this step. Confirming the call to action, which is essentially taking the action that is required, is the peak of the hurdle, the crisis point from where – if we are willing to go – we can begin to pave the rest of our life, congruent and in harmony with our desires.

To conclude the story above, I made a call to my boss and told him – from an empowered self, filled with clarity and conviction – that I needed more money for such and such reasons. Initially, he told me no, to which I clearly responded, “Then I’ll have to look elsewhere.” Within a week I had a job offer at a competitor, a job I didn’t even know existed at the time I made the call to my boss. With this offer in hand, I went back and ended up receiving a promotion and the money I needed.

At The Top of Mountain

When we are able to follow these steps to overcome our fears, we will be envigorated like never before. Like a mountain climber now at the peak of his endeavor, we will be “high” literally and figuratively, basking in the glow of our accomplishment. But what is important to remember is that much like the climber at the summit of the mountain, we will gain a new perspective. Perhaps we will briefly look down at how far we had to come to get to where we are. Perhaps we will look to the sky and the infinite possibilty it contains. But soon, we will look to the surrounding mountains. Perhaps there are other peaks, higher than the one we just conquered. From the vista they might look small or manageable and this is a image we should emblazon into our memory. For soon we will have to descend this peak and ready ourselves for the next mountain to climb. We will want to remember this view from above, the perspective that accomplishment brings us. We will need it on our next journey.