When I first started this site, one of my objectives was to create a space for me to exorcise the demons clamoring around in my brain, which often take the form of the crazy Monkey blabbering to me endlessly, mostly about judging others and constantly taking their inventories. My vision was also to develop an archive of writings that would fall into the genre of Personal Development, thereby helping others to quiet their own manifestations of the Monkey.

Lately I’ve been commenting on politics, but I have also been trying, perhaps unsuccessfully, to not only give my two cents about the happenings of the day, but to also attempt to draw parrallels between the spectacle on the political stage and the much more personal, intimate, and essential spectacles that occur in our own lives. By seeing certain traits acted out on a grand stage, like defensiveness, we might better recognize and deal with those traits when they pop up in our everyday lives.

A common pitfall of a writer, and perhaps any other artist, is to at all times not only be driven by your muse and your purpose, but to also periodically pull one’s head up and gauge our “azimuth” to devine whether or not we are still on path. This is a phenomenon I first came across while in the military as an Infantry officer conducting land navigation, in which it was easy to lose sight of one’s path if one weren’t carefully checking one’s azimuth, or direction, from time to time.

So today I want to realign myself to the purpose of this site, by relating my recent experiences and interpration of the Law of Allowing.

Before I do so, I highly recommend taking about four minutes to watch this video describing the Law of Allowing. You can find it at the bottom of my post.

Is That My Child?

Yesterday we took our 18 month-old daughter to Waldorf, which is a private school based on the philosophies of Rudolf Steiner. Our daughter goes to the pre-school version that parents attend with their kids. Without getting into too much detail about Waldorf (you can read all about it in the links above), the bottom line is that it is an alternative education model with a strong focus on experiential learning and creativity. It is also a very loving environment, which made our daughter’s recent behavior even more striking.

We just returned this week from a nearly week-long trip to the West Coast, which I will talk more about below, but during which our daughter had several “tantrums.” I think some of this was due to the jetlag and the crazy travel schedule we chose to put her through during our trip, combined with tons and tons of playtime with a house full of cousins, interaction and stimulation she doesn’t normally get as our only child at home in Massachusetts.

Anyway, in class, there were several instances in which she wasn’t “playing nicely” with the other children. For example, several little kids wanted to play with her with the toys she had and she constantly shooed them away or cried when they came close to her. Later she bit her cousin (which may have been payback as he has bit her repeatedly over the last nine months or so). Bottom line, she was exhibiting very antisocial behavior that was unbecoming, unusual, and frankly quite embarrassing. Perhaps she was acting out on the stress of the travel schedule I talked about above. Or it could have been a combination of that as well as her mirroring some stress she may have internalized from my wife and me over the last several weeks, as we have been burning the candle on both ends starting our online business, along with me undergoing the stress of starting a new job. In a way, the cause of her behavior might be immaterial, as we are only faced with the choice of how to deal with this behavior we didn’t like very much.

And this is where the Monkey comes in. When it’s our own child, it’s one thing, but what if we encounter antisocial behavior from others in life: our co-workers, supervisors, strangers on the street, and commuters on the road? Do we sit there and try to devine the reasons for their behavior or do we immediately shift our attention to making them wrong and striking back with a hand gesture or a stupid comment we might later wish to take back?

Or perhaps even worse, we might internalize that negativity, take it on as our own, or think that it has something to do with us. Often this internalized negativity regurgitates itself later in the day, upon people we love or upon other strangers, continuing the cycle of negativity. Our Monkeys love this, getting high off momentarily feeling the righteous glow of judgment, or getting a rush from the energy transference of passing that negativity on to others.

But because we were fortunate enough to expose our daughter to such a loving and understanding environment as the Waldorf “classroom,” her undesirable behavior wasn’t met with criticism, judgment, and punishment, as it might’ve been met if she were in a conventional preschool, or even at home with us, a couple of parents that are simply going through Parenting OJT and definitely don’t have all the answers.

Instead, the teacher helped the other children in the class understand that right now our daughter was having fun playing by herself. Perhaps she wanted to act out her independence by going it alone for a while, a concept that might be new and uncomfortable for new parents like ourselves. So soon, the teacher encouraged the other children to help build a fort for our daughter, perhaps a “fortress of solitude” where she could regain her balance and composure, and in time, re-enter the society of the class, which she did, after a few minutes, adjusted, balanced and happy.

In my view, this story is an example of the Law of Allowing in action, in which we try to not to attempt to change others, but instead create space for others to be as they are, as the differences between us is what constitutes the rich tapestry of life, and also provides a training ground for our personal spiritual and social development. It is so easy to think that others are wrong when they behave in a manner that it is unpalatable or different than the way we think we would behave if thrown into the same circumstances.

Who Is That Angry Man?

The other day I was out in the field at work with my new job. I currently represent an industry-leading Organic vitamin & supplement company, which often allows me to interact with a variety of conscious people similarly inspiring to make their business the business of healing, growth, and abundance. However, there always exceptions, and one particular exception took the form of an extremely surly owner of a healthfood store. He is a one-man show, working within the confines of an unattractive hole in the wall in a strip mall in a non-descript part of a working class town. Inside his shop are no decorations (save a large golden crucifix hanging on the wall behind the register), no touches of humanity or beauty, no warmth, and quite a few empty shelves.

To me, empty shelves in the retail business are a message of scarcity. This account is an underperforming account with my product line and this is no surprise when you see the inside of the store. The physical store reflects the business, which in turns mirrors back onto the proprietor himself. They are all interrelated.

When I made my visit I had to wait around 30 minutes for him to finish a personal phone call, in which he loudly discussed an apparent affair he was having with a married woman. During his phone call, and later with me, he broke out into fits of cursing and lambasting his customers “idiots who don’t give him a break,” especially when the phone would ring. He criticized all of the supplement companies out there, including my own, while professing his outstanding knowledge about health and nutrition. And yet, to look at him was to gaze a upon a picture of “unhealthiness.” He was gaunt, unshaven, unshowered, and seemingly exhausted. I pitched him some of our new products, which he criticized endlessly. I even offered him an exclusive discount on one of our SKU’s that he sells a lot of, which he happily took. After about two hours in the store, he finally gave me a miniscule order and I was off, trying to shake off the negativity I accumulated inside.

There is a fine line between relating our experiences and diving back into them. I have tried to put that experience behind me, as I cannot afford a mentality of scarcity or negativity in my business. I hope that in relating the details of that experience I am not in place of judging, but instead in a place of allowing, for without allowing, I am energetically unable to attract the things I want in my life experience.

Allowing is not easy. What is easy is to judge, to ridicule, to make wrong. But all of these things are a losing attempt at making ourselves feel better, because ultimately they are an act of becoming a part of the problem rather than a part of the solution. I chose “Who Is That Angry Man?” as the title of this section because when we allow, we gain vision. Vision into ourselves. For not only is all the world a stage, but it is also a grand mirror.

When am I that angry man? If I cannot allow him to be unbalanced, angry, and negative, if I wish to rail against his character defects, I am in essence railing against myself, not allowing myself to be, and thereby not allowing life’s riches to flow unto me.

The biggest challenge I face with the Law of Allowing, however, is practicing it in the realm of my personal relationships. Something I am actively working on right now is being okay with others’ disturbances, anger, and frustration. Just simply letting them be. Allowing them to come around without my prodding, interference, or reactions. In this way, practicing the Law of Allowing is the art of dismantling the reactive mind, of quieting the Monkey. Moving into the space of being. Connecting to our highest desires in every given moment. Do I wish to engage with this person? Do I wish to take on his negativity? Do I wish to ruin my commute by taking on the stress of an aggressive driver? Do I wish to lock horns with my partner over an issue that is ultimately unconsequential?

Another Take On The Law of Allowing

My final reflection on the Law of Allowing that I wanted to mention relates to a trip I took recently with my wife and daughter to California. We are starting a new business and had to meet with our web development team out in San Luis Obispo, California. We also had a wedding to go to in Los Angeles, so we decided to combine the trips, as well as visit with my family in LA.

The airline tickets, including first class seats, were paid for by my frequent flier miles. Our rental car was subsidized by a rewards program. Our hotel in San Luis was subsidized by an association to which I belong. In LA, we stayed with my family. The mother of our web services rep babysat our daughter while we were at work in San Luis, my wife’s childhood friend babysat her while we were at the wedding, and my cousin’s daughter babysat her one night when we went out with my cousin and her husband to catch some live music in LA. In other words, we attracted thousands of dollars worth of travel expenses and childcare by making this trip.

Not only that, when we were in SLO, our web services rep gave us the incredibly generous gift of a couples massage followed by a mineral springs tub at a gorgeous spa on the Central Coast. As I sat in the tub with my wife, totally chilled out from an amazing massage, surrounded by lush vegetation, a gentle breeze, and the most crystal clear blue sky, I experienced profound awareness of letting go and allowing life’s riches to embrace me. I didn’t conceive of any of this – my wife did most of the work in arranging it all – but I believe these gifts were the direct result of the daily work of building relationships with family, friends, and business associates, creating a family-focused business, and making a habit of listening for guidance on what to do next.

Starting a new business is a tremendous amount of work…but it doesn’t have to painful. That choice is up to us. It does require sacrifice – all things of value do – but when you are “on your path,” things tend to flow a little easier. Things make sense. They add up. The real work is done months, years, or an entire lifetime before launching the business or enterprise. Preparing ourselves, aligning ourselves, and most importantly, listening for guidance. I struggled for several years making my way in television production in NYC before realizing that most of the struggle was due to a lack of alignment. Eventually I was a successful reality television writer/producer who couldn’t bring himself to watch the shows he was creating. I was doing it for paycheck instead of love, and in time, that kind of work is unsustainable and will distintegrate.

Although the Law of Allowing generally seems to relate more to allowing others “to be,” I believe another manifestation of it is the art of allowing life to present itself to you exactly as it is: a present.